Diabetes Blog Week - Keep It To Yourself

Many of us share lots of aspects of our diabetes lives online for the world to see.  What are some of the aspects of diabetes that you choose to keep private from the internet?  Or from your family and friends?  Why is it important to keep it to yourself?  (This is not an attempt to get you out of your comfort zone.  There is no need to elaborate or tell personal stories related to these aspects.  Simply let us know what kinds of stories we will never hear you tell, and why you won't tell them.) (Thank you Scott E of Rolling in the D for this topic.)

Wow Scott came up with an extremely hard question for me to answer today as I don’t think there’s anything about diabetes that I haven’t or wouldn't share with the DOC. The anonymity of the internet makes it extremely easy for me to share without fear of consequences.

I do however keep things from my friends and family. I can’t even tell you why as I’m not sure. I didn't even realize that I was doing it until a few months ago. In February, Karen wrote this great post on what it feels like to have a low. It really resonated with me and I sent it to my husband and my mom. My mom called me as soon as she read it and told me that she had no idea that this is what happened when I had a low. I think it freaked her out quite a bit.

I’ve been thinking about why that was the first time I had sent something like that to my mom and I don’t have an answer. I don’t know if sending her stuff like that more often would help her or hurt her more. It definitely something that I will need to ease her into.

I’m probably freer with information with my husband as he’s right there. He sees the all-day highs and the all-day lows. He knows how frustrated I get when diabetes screws with my day or even when I manage to successfully maneuver through the idiosyncrasies of the disease. The only thing I probably don’t share with him is how often I cry when I’m frustrated.

As for friends, they probably know even less.

I guess what I've discovered in writing this post is that it’s really the emotional side of diabetes that I don’t share with people. I've always needed to process my emotions myself before sharing them with others. Since I received my diagnosis when I was in  my early 20’s and was living by myself, I guess I got used to dealing with this on my as well. Finding the DOC and reading about everyone else’s experiences help me deal. I may not be very vocal on twitter or the blogosphere but I’m there and I’m reading. Thanks for posting everyone!

Diabetes Blog Week - I Can

Well it’s time for another year of Diabetes Blog Week. This marks the 6^th year that Karen from Bittersweet Diabetes has organized this amazing event. It’s also the 3^rd time that I've participated in it. As I mentioned last year, I’m a horrible blogger and as evidenced by the fact that the last time I posted was during blog week last year, really inconsistent. Diabetes blog week gives me a great opportunity to write about something I’m passionate about but lets me not have to think of topics (which is the part of writing that I hate J)

Each day, I’ll take on a post idea that someone else has come up with and link my page to the others that have written about the same topic. Please click on the banner above to see all of the info on Diabetes Blog Week including the participant and post list.

In the UK, there was a diabetes blog theme of "I can...”  that participants found wonderfully empowering.  So lets kick things off this year by looking at the positive side of our lives with diabetes.  What have you or your loved one accomplished, despite having diabetes, that you weren't sure you could?  Or what have you done that you've been particularly proud of?  Or what good thing has diabetes brought into your life?  (Thank you to the anonymous person who submitted this topic suggestion.)

It’s hard for me to think of something positive that Diabetes has brought to my life so I think I’m going to focus my post on something that I've accomplished despite having diabetes. I seem to mention it every time I post but the greatest thing that I've been able to do despite having diabetes is give birth to my amazing son.

I was diagnosed with type 1 in my early 20’s. At the time I wasn't really interested in having kids so it wasn't one of the first things that popped into my head when the Doctor told me what was wrong with me. I was more concerned with the fact that I couldn't just go out with friends, eat a pizza and drink till I had a happy buzz. I actually had to start planning out my food and reduce the amount of carbs I was eating.

It wasn't until I told my mom what the doctor had said that she brought up having kids. When I went in for my first appointment with the endocrinologist, she explained that it wasn't impossible but that like food, it would take a lot of planning and that the risks for something being wrong with the child were a lot higher due to the increased blood sugars.

And boy was she right. It took me two years to get my A1C’s to the right place to consider trying for a baby. It was also recommended to change from being on Lantus (a long acting insulin) because it hadn't had a lot of testing on pregnant women to going onto an insulin pump. Once I did get pregnant, the control that I had to have with my food and testing was amplified by what felt like a million. I had to go for appointments every week between my endocrinologist, obstetrician, non-stress tests, prenatal echo-cardiograms, ultrasounds, dietitians, diabetic educators, and the list goes on.

But at the end, I ended up with the most wonderful, funny, sweet, caring, little boy anyone could have. 

Diabetes Blog Week - Saturday Snapshots

Back for another year, let’s show everyone what life with diabetes looks like!  With a nod to the Diabetes 365 project, let’s grab our cameras again and share some more d-related pictures.  Post as many or as few as you’d like.  Feel free to blog your thoughts on or explanations of your pictures, or leave out the written words and let the pictures speak for themselves.

Even with this craziness, my BG was 5.5 mmol/L

Diabetes Blog Week - Diabetes Life Hacks

Share the (non-medical) tips and tricks that help you in the day-to-day management of diabetes.  Tell us everything from clothing modifications, serving size/carb counting tricks to the tried and true Dexcom-in-a-glass trick or the “secret” to turning on a Medtronic pump’s backlight when not on the home-screen (scroll to the bottom of this post). Please remember to give non-medical advice only! (Thank you Rachel of Probably Rachel and Kelley of Below Seven for this topic suggestion.)

I Love Love Love this topic! Not because I have any amazing advice to give anyone. Cause I’m really not sure that I do. But because I am so excited to read what everyone else has to tell me. I’m constantly looking for new ways to make my life easier with D.

I do have one thing that I’ve never heard anyone talk about but that I do. I tend to put my infusion sites on my legs. For no other reason than my stomach is so full of scar tissue from 6 years of MDI’s and 2 years of infusion sites. I haven’t worked myself up to trying other spots yet but I know I’m going to have to move to my arms soon. My legs are getting pretty filled with scar tissue as well. As most of you know, having my infusion site on my leg makes going to the bathroom pretty tricky. It’s a constant battle to not pull out my site by getting caught on my pants or underwear not to mention maneuvering around the tubing. To take the tubing out of the equation, I actually thread it under my underwear so that it isn’t an issue when they are pulled up or down.

Now I just need to find something that stops me from ripping out the infusion site ;-)

Diabetes Blog Week - Mantras and More

Yesterday we opened up about how diabetes can bring us down. Today let’s share what gets us through a hard day.  Or more specifically, a hard diabetes day.  Is there something positive you tell yourself?  Are there mantras that you fall back on to get you through?  Is there something specific you do when your mood needs a boost?  Maybe we've done that and we can help others do it too? (Thanks to Meri of Our Diabetic Life for suggesting this topic.)

Wow this is an extremely hard topic for me. As I mentioned yesterday, I tend to put things out of my mind when I don’t want to deal with them. Don’t get me wrong, I know they exist. I’m not ignorant. I don’t put my head in the sand. I just tend to accept them and move on.

I had a really bad diabetes night on Monday. My BG before dinner was 5.6 mmol/L. I had hamburgers and salad for dinner so it wasn’t very carb heavy. Maybe 30g carbs for the bun. I always let my pump do my calculations for me using the wizard so I know it was right but somehow my BG ended up as 21.5 mmol/L. I think I was in denial cause at first I did a correction bolus using my wizard. Could also be because I’m cheap and I knew I didn’t have to change my pump until the next morning. I checked again an hour later and was at 22.6 mmol/L. I did another correction. Finally 30 minutes later I realised that I was going to have to change my site. The 24.7 mmol/L glaring at me wouldn’t let me ignore it any longer. By this time it was 11pm and I knew I couldn’t go to sleep until I saw the numbers drop. Thankfully about an hour later, it had gone down to 15.5 mmol/L and I knew I was a going to be ok.

The whole time I was going through this I tried exercising. I’ve recently started wearing a pedometer and I had to get some more steps in anyway so I decided to jog around my room. It didn’t work at all. Why is apparent now as it was a bad site but still very frustrating in the moment.

So I guess my way of coping is to try all avenues until I finally accept the inevitable. Once I accept, I’m lucky in that I can forget about it and move onto the next challenge. No magic words here. Just the realisation that nothing lasts forever.

In terms of needing a boost for everything else, nothing brings me up like this guy:

Diabetes Blog Week - What Brings You Down

May is Mental Health Month so now seems like a great time to explore the emotional side of living with, or caring for someone with, diabetes. What things can make dealing with diabetes an emotional issue for you and / or your loved one, and how do you cope? (Thanks go out to Scott of Strangely Diabetic for coordinating this topic.)

This post is actually inspired by one that Rick wrote on Monday at TuDiabetes.

It doesn’t matter if I’m happy, sad or angry; emotions always come out of me in the form of tears. As I was reading Rick’s post yesterday (I’m super behind on reading all the DBlog Week posts) I couldn’t help but break down. I don’t think I ever realised before how angry I am that I have diabetes.

I’ve heard a lot lately on how depression and diabetes go hand and hand together. It’s never been an issue that has affected me. I’ve had a lot of people in my life that have struggled with depression and dealt with it either through therapy or medication or both. I’m so glad that those options are available for people that need them. It’s just never been an issue I’ve had to deal with. Most of the time I’m a regular, happy person. I’m just angry.

Before I do anything, my first thought is how it will affect my BG’s especially with all of the big moments. When my husband and I got married, I had to figure out how I was going to give myself a shot of insulin (I was still on MDI) through my wedding dress. I hadn’t experimented on giving myself injections other than my stomach, mostly because I didn’t realise it was possible. I’m angry that my diabetic team at the time didn’t tell me about it. If they didn’t know, why not? They’re supposed to be the experts. Why didn’t they take the time to educate themselves?

When we started thinking about having a baby, not only did I have to educate myself on what having a baby meant but I also had to research what would happen to my diabetes and because I have diabetes, what would happen to the baby. When I got pregnant, my every thought went into “how will this affect the baby?” I’m angry that I couldn’t just be excited that I was pregnant. Instead I spent the whole 9 months wondering and worrying if everything I did was hurting the baby.

I’ve blogged before about my son’s heart issues when he was born. I’m angry that my first thought when I learned that he had ASD and VSD was that it was my fault. Even though the Doctor said that this was not genetic, that it occurs by chance and with no clear reason why it occurs, I was angry that my diabetes could have been the cause. I thank the powers that be everyday that he is a healthy average boy with a tremendous amount of energy and is able to run everywhere he goes. But I’m angry that it’s still a possibility that I caused it in the first place.

I am so angry that as soon as my 2 year old son drinks a higher than normal amount of water, I have to check his BG immediately. My first thought is always going to be “is it diabetes?” It’s gotten so bad that as soon as he sees me advancing on him with my lancet in hand, he runs away from me. He already knows to associate it with pain.

I’m not depressed or sad that I have diabetes. I’m angry.

The second part of this question topic is “How do you cope?” Quite frankly the only thing I can do is try to move on. All stewing about it does it hurt me.

Diabetes Blog Week - Poetry Tuesday

This year, Diabetes Blog Week and TuDiabetes are teaming up to bring out the poet in you! Write a poem, rhyme, ballad, haiku, or any other form of poetry about diabetes. After you’ve posted it on your blog, share it on the No Sugar Added® Poetry page on TuDiabetes, and read what others have shared there as well!

It has been an extremely long time since I wrote anything resembling poetry. I went through quite the “dark period” in University where I thought I had to suffer to become the next amazing Poet. Thankfully that only lasted a couple years and I could go back to being my jovial self J. Here’s my attempt at a Haiku about an extremely nasty high blood sugar that refused to go down last night.

Oh blood sugar, high

why do you irritate me

go down, go down now